TEACHING SELF-LOVE
Words and Photography by Ethel Alegria
When I sat down to think about the topic of love, I kept thinking of two things: my love for my daughter and myself. Shaping self-love in my daughter through my journey is one of the many things I felt I needed to do early on and the hardest. It took me years to feel self-love. Growing up from being “muy flaca” to “gorda” made me feel like I was never enough. I was too skinny because I was just an active kid. And I never ate enough. And when I got bigger, well, that wasn’t the right way to be as well. In some ways, I know words came from a loving place from the family; it just never made me feel better.
The height of my self-loathing had to be puberty. I developed early and disliked it so much. It was embarrassing when my pad fell out of my backpack in 5th grade, and my classmate behind me picked it up and asked what it was. I had these two huge “chichonas” growing out in front too! Family members told me not to slouch because I had beautiful breasts and should show them off. I despised the attention I got from men (creepy, really) because all I wanted to do was be a kid.
Looking back at it, I was still a kid, but my body wanted to rush me into womanhood sooner than I wanted to. Fast forward to today. Thoughts continuously fill my head on whether I’m teaching (my soon-to-be 10-year-old) daughter everything she needs to move forward to the next chapter of her life. I have this mental checklist that I go over and ask myself what I have covered so far about self-love and what I still need to go through. It’s an ongoing thing, and I always tend to check-in with her. Here are just a few answers I got from her.
On the definition of self-love
P: “Self-love is loving yourself for who you are and not wanting to change it.”
Me: “Is there anything else?”
P: “For me, it’s to respect myself and say positive thoughts during the hardest times.”
On showing self-love
P: “Sometimes I tell myself compliments in my head. Like, you can do this. Don’t be afraid. You’re awesome. Or try your best, and it’s okay if you don’t get it the first time. I take care of my armpits too. I make sure I put on deodorant.“
On the importance of self-love
P: “If you love yourself, you can learn to love others. You have to love yourself before loving anyone else too. It’s very important because if you don’t love yourself you’ll keep trying to hide and that’s not good. You can’t be your true self. You’ll be super shy and get picked on by bullies. Trust me, that happened to me, and it’s terrible.”
What do you love about yourself?
P: “I love my glasses because they are super awesome. I love my unibrow because it reminds me of Frida Kahlo. And in some ways, I feel like her. I love that I’m not obsessed with unicorns like other girls. And I’m glad I like different music. I love writing and my art. I love that I’m different.”
Me: “Why do you love to be different?”
P: “If everyone was the same, the world would be boring.”
I do feel a sigh of relief when I hear her words. I only hope she reminds herself during those low moments. And learns to love herself so much more than I did at her age. For now, I think I’m doing okay.
