MOTHERHOOD AND MENTAL HEALTH
Words by Laura Rentería
I’ve struggled with depression practically my whole life. After years of trying different treatments, I had finally found one that made me feel stable. And then... I got pregnant and I had to stop my treatment abruptly. Much to my surprise, everything went well despite the fact that my baby was premature and this meant a lot of special care throughout his first years of life. Two years later I had my second son and I still was able to function “normally” without antidepressants.
Life was great and four years later my husband and I decided we wanted to have another baby. We had a healthy baby girl in 2016. I struggled so much with breastfeeding, I adored my baby but I started feeling overwhelmed and lonely. My little one slept so much that I never felt tired because I slept with her, but I still felt like something was off.
I never thought I had Post-partum Depression because it was extremely different than my previous experience with depression. It seemed less dramatic, I never felt the urge to vet, all I felt was the desire to stay in my bed all day. And suddenly one day I couldn’t bring myself to drive to pick up my boys from school. I felt such an overwhelming sense of dread that I had to rely on my husband for any activity outside the house. Any social interaction filled me with terror, it seemed like I was back to being a shy teenager. I had so little energy that I had to use it all to take care of my children, I felt so many aches that I started thinking I had a chronic illness.
“I never thought I had
Post-Partum Depression
because it was extremely
different than my previous
experience with depression.”
I had so much going on with three kids that I didn’t seek help right away. Until one day I had so much rage bottled up inside me that I exploded with my husband. It was so out of character for me that we decided it was time to consult with a psychiatrist.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The diagnosis was a huge hit for me, after all I grew up with the notion that latin mothers are supposed to be tough super-moms, great cooks, strict but loving, the pillar of any household. I wasn’t any of those things, I felt that I fell short in all the requirements of motherhood.
“I appreciate my struggles with mental health because they have helped me to identify red flags in my children.”
This time around it has taken so much more time to get better, I sometimes forget to take my medication because my children’s needs are always at the top of my list of priorities. But for my family the pandemic came with a little blessing, I finally had the time to see a therapist online, and it has helped me so much to stop doubting myself as a mother and also to start putting my mental health as the most important thing, so I can take care of all the other important things going on in a family of five.
I appreciate my struggles with mental health because they have helped me to identify red flags in my children pretty much immediately. I already know that treatment at the right time can make the path to recovery much shorter, I also know that anxiety disorders are hereditary in many cases, so I have sought help immediately whenever I notice that any of my kids are having a hard time regulating their emotions. I truly hope that my experience will allow me to supply them with enough tools to make their life a little bit easier than mine. I now consider myself a tough mom, after all I have no fear of admitting my struggles and seeking help for them, sometimes I require professional help, other times all I need is a chat with good friends to stop my overactive mind from creating scary scenarios.
Modern times have given us an advantage over our own parents, we have so much more information and resources available to us, let’s use that for our own good, to avoid the struggles with mental health that our generation of mothers has had such a hard time dealing with.