MOTHERHOOD OR SOMETHING ELSE
Words by Natalie Villarreal | Artwork by Elsa Perez
Interesting thing to look back at a younger version of yourself. I had this dream growing up that I would be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, have a successful career, a couple kids, and a picket fence. I would envision myself as this perfectly dressed housewife with dinner on the table. No sweat on her brow, not disheveled in the least and I would dream of all the holidays and birthdays I would orchestrate. Now, that is the complete opposite of my current reality. LOL. Can we type LOL into a publication now at days?
“Sure, sometimes you look at a cute family and think it looks appealing... B U T T T T T I love sleeping in late on weekends...”
You probably think that might be a hard pill to swallow that it is not my current reality.. but, in stark contrast, it is actually quite the opposite.
It has been an interesting reality to come to grips that this was not how my life would turn out. But I felt solace in this actually. And then I would wonder... How could I want something so much my whole life and then abandon that dream? It was easy, I kind of chose myself in many regards. Is that selfish? Isn’t It a societal norm to get married and have kids? Why did it feel like I was doing something bad making this decision?
I had people question, so you’re not taking it to the next level with this guy? Don’t you want kids? Married life?
Simple answer. ... no. I don’t. at least, not right now. And sure, sometimes you look at a cute family and think it looks appealing... B U T T T T T I love sleeping in late on weekends, I love binge-watching shows at night. I love being able to step out of my house whenever I want, meet anyone I want … and sometimes I even love eating cereal for dinner.. because I can.
I admire all of the Mothers in my life and the nurturing and caregiving they exude on a normal basis. They are TRUE FUCKING SUPERHEROS. I admire every Mother that made it through Covid, through homeschooling, all the numerous family members under their household for MONTHS?!! They truly showed us what strength looks like.
A mother gives birth, bears a child. It is truly fascinating that a full adult human being holds a baby for 9 months in her womb. Why 9 months, too? Ha. I have always wondered why 9 months is the length of time to produce a human being. I realize that you do not have to be a Mother to be nurturing. To have unconditional love. I (hope) I give that to everyone around me … that kind of nurturing love a mother gives. I strive to make people feel special on their birthdays and holidays. I have intimate relationships; I just don’t have kids with them. And although I feel like social norms dictate, we should do this, I also feel times... they are a-changing. *insert wink* and there’s nothing wrong with that.